


Bathwater

by ReturnToZero



Category: Persona 3
Genre: Angst, M/M, Yaoi, self-abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-09
Updated: 2012-08-08
Packaged: 2017-11-11 18:14:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/481422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReturnToZero/pseuds/ReturnToZero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minato laughed softly as his blood pushed through his skin, blooming from his pale skin was a beautiful red rose. It continued to grow, the more pressure he put the brighter it would become. Soon it began to overflow, the ruby red liquid dripping into the water, fading until it became a light red, mixing happily with the flower petals. Again he could not contain his joy, smiling as the relief came in strong waves, crushing the void for just a moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bathwater

Title: Bathwater  
Warning: Yaoi, Angst, Self-Abuse

\---Clean---

Minato sighed and allowed the towel to fall, pooling by his ankles as he leaned over the fresh bath, steaming and fogging up the bathroom mirror. His light blue eyes followed the flower petals that floated above the water's surface, moving every so slowly with the invisible current. He broke the serenity of the warm water with his own body, softly putting in one foot before the other and standing there for a minute. The water opens his pores, and he sighs at the rush of heat. 

_What the fuck man?_

Minato winced, shutting his eyes and flinching at the memory, _“I told you I like girls, G-I-R-L-S, I can't believe that you would even think about me and you-”_

Again the bathwater sloshed around at the sudden movement, and the petals scattered wildly across the invisible liquid, some clinging to the sides of the tub. Minato wanted to cry, and he lowered the rest of his body into the steamy water, hissing at the heat that licked at his skin. It was painful at first, burning and scalding, making his skin flush red and he finally let out another breath, and as the time passed he relaxed, his body finally coming undone and collapsing on the spot. He let his head lull back, resting against the tub, his eyes fluttering shut as he began to welcome the burning heat, _“Have you always? No man that's just wrong, sick and just, no!”_

The blunette could feel his chest tightening and the palpitations of his heart becoming painful. The hot water gave him some comfort, but not enough to distract him from the pain of his rejection. Minato decided to play with the petals, blowing them across the water and flicking his finger at the water's surface. Every movement was accentuated with small ripples, and Minato felt a bit better.

He should have never said anything.

Again he regretted his words, he knew his feelings were wrong, were sinful but he couldn't stop them, couldn't kill them no matter how hard he tried. He had gone with him to the movies, they went to go see a zombie marathon, and during one of the zombie attacks the protagonist had failed in saving their lover, only to have to kill their zombified-lover at the end. What really got Minato was how the dead lover had remembered their past life and actually allowed them to escape from the plagued island. Somehow he was amazed and wondered if he would do that for his love. The answer came swiftly, and Minato decided test his luck.

The pair had left the theater and Minato listed to his crush's rambling about how hot the girl was, _“Dude, she was even hot as a zombie!”_ His face bloomed in a smile and he nudged Minato's arm. The lovestruck teen blushed slightly, and he prepared himself for the confession, “Hey, I know this is weird and stuff but...” Minato felt his entire body tense, yet his hands shook with every word. _“Hm? Whaddya need to say?”_ The blunette felt reassured, but his stomach couldn't stop jumping, “I like this one person...and I want to tell them but I'm a bit...nervous.” His friend laughed happily, _“Dude girls are practically falling over when you look in their direction, you got nothing to worry about!”_ Minato felt his insides twisting furiously, making some sort of knot in his stomach, “But I...” His friend threw an arm around his shoulder, _“Just tell them! I'm sure you'll be fine.”_ Minato looked up at bright gray eyes, “I love you.”

Junpei didn't take the news so well.

He immediately pulled back, retracting his arm and staring with disbelief, _“What the fuck man? Dude, that's not funny.”_ Minato could feel his heart cracking, but continued, “But...I'm not joking.” Junpei gave a nervous laugh, breaking out in a small sweat, _“Haa ha ha, I told you I like girls, G-I-R-L-S, I can't believe that you would even think about me and you like that...”_ Minato continued to stare at Junpei with apologetic eyes, and he could see the fear and pain that etched itself on Junpei's features.

_“Have you always? No man that's just wrong, sick and just, no!”_ Junpei finally lashed out at the other boy, pushing him and running away. Minato watched as the boy's image drifted farther and farther, until he couldn't bear to watch anymore. Soon the world became blurry, and he tried to leave, but he was practically blind. Minato kept wiping his tears, biting his lip to say quiet and yet it was all useless. Choked sobs would pierce the air and the tears just kept prickling behind his eyes, burning and flowing without any restraint.

It hurt, but not as much as the hate-filled glares that came from dark gray eyes.

For the next month the boys didn't talk to each other, and Junpei didn't even want to be anywhere near Minato. Guilt and regret bubbled up in the heartbroken teen's chest, and nothing seemed to go right. In Tartarus Minato had always felt inclined to protect the other teen, to make sure he would only get stronger with every visit. The shadows had began to fear them, and the light in Junpei's eyes had made something in his chest stir, the boy was truly beautiful. All he wanted was to see that lovely expression and give Junpei the world, anything to make him happy. Minato was willing to stay by his side forever...

Now he couldn't even breathe when Junpei was close by, and it was painful to even look at him. Minato had to hold back everything, to act like everything was freaking rainbows and sunshine. But what hurt him the most was how his so called friends didn't even notice his turmoil, they didn't see the obvious pain in his eyes, and continued as if they didn't even care. No one would say the problem, as if they didn't say it then it didn't exist. 

It was Minato's first love, the first time he had allowed himself to feel, to be vulnerable and allow someone so close to his heart. The bluenette felt betrayed and alone, a void in the center of his body, consuming all his organs and leaving an empty carcass... 

He decided not to feel anymore.

It was easier, to put up a mask and never come out, never put his heart on the line. He had nothing after all, no parents, no friends, so what was the point in saving the world? Minato didn't want to continue living his miserable life, he would rather just sleep.

_  
_

_I hate you._

_Why are you so quiet Minato?_

_Weirdo._

_You can talk to us you know..._

_How long?_

_Faggot._

Minato let his tears slide from his eyes, blinding his vision all together, and he let go, of everything.

They were horrible, his **friends** were allowing the pain, they never sought him out and asked him if he wanted to come, they always wanted him to speak first. It was always him saying the first hello, taking the first leap and ultimately seeking out their attention...it made sense now.

They were aware of how the world worked.

His childhood was always a blur, and after the accident, he felt that no one could understand him. His days with foster parents were quiet, a never ending silence and Minato remembered those days in gray. The same boring old faded out gray that stained every part of his life, and nothing could get him out. He had been accepted into Gekkoukan High School, and he had planned his life to continue at that same agonizing slow pace, to be tinted with the same shade of gray.

Persona.

It was a mystery to him, and he could never figure out why he had so much potential, why he had been blessed with endless options. The social links were the only reason he began to talk, it was an easy way to power up. They had seemed like nice people, and he had foolishly trusted them with his heart, gave them power to hurt him...

The S.E.E.S were no different.

They had always claimed to be a tight-knit team, but really they were all distant. Sure they hung out and talked, but it was never deep, and they valued other people as their true friends. If it wasn't for Tartarus they probably would have never even talked to each other. Their relationships were never meant to be, that same shade of gray began to tinge Minato's eyes, and he decided to never smile for them again. His lips would refuse to move, ignoring them as he blasted his music loud and covered his eyes, never letting them hurt him again.

Minato could still feel the shards of his heart stabbing him, so he dealt it with the only way he knew how.

The pale boy sat up, his sapphire hair sticking to his forehead and neck, the water rolled down his back and into the water once again. His fingers were already beginning to prune, he stretched, reaching for the razor glistening by the tub. He set himself up, taking in a short breath and holding it in. His hand shook slightly as he pressed the shiny metal against his wrist, bracing for the beautiful high that would come with the sting. 

Minato laughed softly as his blood pushed through his skin, blooming from his pale skin was a beautiful red rose. It continued to grow, the more pressure he put the brighter it would become. Soon it began to overflow, the ruby red liquid dripping into the water, fading until it became a light red, mixing happily with the flower petals. Again he could not contain his joy, smiling as the relief came in strong waves, crushing the void for just a moment.

His self-abuse used to be because he couldn't feel anything, and he needed a reminder that he was alive, but now he wanted to die, to be apathetic and not care about anything.

Tears burned the back of his eyes once again, and Minato could feel the pain stabbing at his heart again, he quickly gave a few more flicks of the blade across his arm and decided he needed to get out. The teen looked at his hands again, smiling at the deathly white they had become, and quickly hid his blade. He quickly bathed his body, despite the water being cold, the air was even colder, and Minato bit back a hiss as a breeze brushed past him.

His wounds began to heal, the rose had died and refused to bloom again, now he had to find a way to hide it from his _friends_. The bandages wrapped tightly around his wrists were a bit blaring, but a sweater or coat would cover them up nicely. For now his heart would settle, and his eyes would be hazy until it became time to let his flower bloom and spill it's ruby red life in the bathroom. The boy escaped to his room, stuck in a somewhat peaceful state, but life must have hated him, because he had to pass by Junpei, and the air stirred and tension sprung from their bodies. 

The other teen stayed very quiet, “Everyone went to the movies...so it's just us here...” The bluenette decided to keep going, but he was stopped by Junpei's searing eyes, burning with questions and swirling with so much pain, hurt, wonder, and hate. It was scary, and Minato could feel his heart dropping to the floor. “How...how do you know...?” The blue cap was moved, hiding the emotions and covering those beautiful silver eyes. Minato wanted to leave to the comfort of his room, to lock himself up and never come out, and tears couldn't help but spring from his eyes. Why did he always want to cry? This had been the longest conversation since the rejection, and it was so strange, it was horrible and his stomach was twisting again, and his heart had decided to stop pumping, leaving his chest with a constricting pain, “I...no...go away.” He pulled himself away from that frozen place, his room was just a few more rooms away...

As he finally arrived at his room, he ran to the sink, staring at his pathetic reflection, and once his eyes had stopped watering, he vowed to never love again.

The days flew by, and Minato couldn't even separate one day from the next. Everything was meshing, Monday, Tuesday, night, day, it's already Friday and now he was at school; all while Minato was a hopeless wreck, his heart had died many times, yet he had his mask to put on everyday. Junpei no longer looked at him with hate, but he stayed deathly silent.

The days had grown quiet, and every rattle in Minato's brain scared him.

He couldn't hear anything, his music was very low, and every day was like a silent movie, he was just watching, waiting and listening to the deafening silence. Akihiko would stare at Minato's wrists, he had taken off the bandages long ago but the marred skin screamed as red lines made themselves know. Junpei had tried to talk to him, but Minato could feel the pressure come down and threaten to crush him, so he avoided the other boy at all costs. He had gotten into the habit of pressing against the scars, pushing until it began to sting and feel his nerves finally calm down, but it would sometimes take re-opening a wound to find relief again.

For some reason Minato had noticed a flash of yellow.

Blue eyes finally came to a stop at a boy whose beauty was in full bloom. Minato's heart tugged, his pain faltered just slightly, the bluenette could only stay silent as the boy approached him. His eyes quickly averted themselves, trying to ignore the gorgeous teen beside him.

“Hey...”the melodic voice called out.

Minato felt a surge of heat rush to his face and yet he didn't pick up his gaze. He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding, trying to will away the attraction, he said he would never love again. “Hey...Minato right?” he couldn't help but look up, responding to the sweet and light voice. The boy locked eyes with him and Minato knew he couldn't stop it, he almost wanted to cry again.

He was going to fall in love.

The bluenette craved Ryoji's attention, he wanted to own him completely, to take his heart and hold it captive forever. The other boy was bright and perfect, his smiles made Minato forget how to breathe, and when Ryoji said his name it was a wonderful sound. Every waking moment without Ryoji was unbearable, and Minato felt the void growing whenever Ryoji was gone. It was horrible and Minato felt his past vow come up, the pain getting caught in his throat, he needed release, he needed more, he wanted everything, but he just couldn't try again. Minato dreaded the thought of Ryoji leaving him, of finding out all the feelings bottled inside, he could already see the look of disgust that would forever kill Minato.

He quickly rushed to the bathroom, knocking over a few cosmetics and whatnot, and quickly found his blade. His hands trembled so much and anticipation built up in his chest, he swiftly dragged the metal across his arm and he let out a happy sigh. The red flower bloomed once again, and Minato pressed harder so it could flourish across his skin. Minato began to smear and stretch the liquid flower, drawing lazy patterns on his pale skin. It was still warm, the flower, and it made him feel better. Again he would have no trouble hiding his wounds, and Ryoji would never know.

His smile came easier, and Ryoji only made life brighter.

Minato hated how dependent he was on the other boy, but he had just been so lovely, but he would not make the same mistake twice.

As the seasons passed Minato could barely contain all his feelings, every movement that Ryoji made towards him made him want to explode. It had already been a little over a year now, and they had fought off tons of shadows, and he always paired off with Ryoji.

It hurt to be this close to Ryoji, but it was better than nothing.

Junpei gave Minato a strange look as he watched Minato practically chase after Ryoji, his gray eyes lighting up with awareness.

\---Clean---

The tensions thickened, looming in the air like the grim reaper with a scythe.

The team had met up in the lounge, and Ryoji had to coax Minato from his room, making sure he would actually _stay_ in the room with everyone else. Chaos erupted in a matter of seconds-

_  
_

_Fucker, I see how you look at him!_

_Stop, you can't fight over something like this!_

_This is getting out of hand, just calm down-_

_He can't be the leader if he follows Ryoji around like that!_

_We're a really good pair, you can't just split us up!_

Minato wanted to say something, to scream at his friends but instead he scooted towards Ryoji, who was trying to defend him-

_They're fucking! Both of them are faggots!_

The room fell silent, even Ryoji shut his mouth at the last outburst. 

Everyone stared at each other, Minato could barely take the silence-

“No...We are just really good friends...he's not...I-” Minato felt so out of place. He wanted to run away and find his silver heaven, to drag the blade across his pretty white skin, but he couldn't he just had his fix 2 days ago.

The bluenette sprang up, turning for a quick escape-

Bright blue eyes predicted his movement and he threw a hand out to capture his wrist, grabbing it tightly and keeping him down. Ryoji's grasp was tight enough to make Minato visibly wince, his heart froze as he felt warm blood begin to seep from his wrist. The brunette felt it, his hand slowly unwinding, releasing Minato, only to find a bright red stain on his alabaster skin. Everyone saw the blood, and the whole room shifted their gaze to Minato.

He could barely breathe with so many eyes on him.

He wanted to disappear, to sink into the ground and never come back to this moment, it was making him feel sick. 

Finally turning back to the crowd he only searched Ryoji's expression and bit his lip, it was just a flurry of conflicting emotions. The poor boy was clearly surprised, but that soon gave way to anger and distress. Minato watched as the bright boy had continued to try to piece everything together, to make sense of the situation. Pain continued to dominate his face, his eyes finally gaining a glossy look. 

Minato wanted to throw up.

Yet no matter what he couldn't bring himself to feel anything for those other people in the room, in fact he felt quite aloof towards their sympathy and shock. But their eyes had all judged him, Ryoji was the only one who was torn with grief and fury. Quickly he went to Ryoji, taking his clean hand and leading him away from the crowd, he had to explain everything, he had to quell the pained look that plagued Ryoji's face.

Behind a closed door Ryoji finally acknowledged him, his clear blue eyes sharp and questioning.

“Why...”, his question came out, airily and hollow, haunting yet strangely beautiful.

Minato could breathe easier now, and he glanced at the red rose that bloomed onto his white shirt, staining the pristine white cloth. He couldn't find the right words, and instead looked back up into those clear, _clear_ eyes, tears springing to his eyelids. Somehow he couldn't keep his composure, every blank and distant look crumbling away, tears building up like a dam. Ryoji stayed very still, not wavering from his sharp stance, waiting for an answer.

Minato wanted to spill more roses.

He let out a soft noise, still trying to stifle the tears that threatened to spill over, trying to regain his ground. Clear blue eyes finally softened, and he reached out, slowly taking the blunette into his arms, burying him in a warm embrace.

Soon Minato could hold back, his cries echoing off the bedroom walls as he wailed, somehow the noises he was making weren't even real. They were deep and painful, all the hurt just bouncing off the walls and hitting everything they could. It was weak and hopeless, yet the more he cried the better he felt. He only cried louder as he drained himself entirely, his heart was spilling over and splattering on the ground, and tears just kept rolling off his cheeks. Ryoji never let go, and soon Minato felt a wet warmth on his shoulder, his sleeve becoming damp and sticking to his skin. 

Relief began to trickle into his veins, and he could just stay here in the warmth, leave the world behind him and fall into a blissful sleep. His eyes were sore and heavy, but he had never felt better.

Ryoji finally pulled away, he wiped his tears and looked Minato dead in the eye.

“I love you.”

Minato couldn't even believe the words that drifted from Ryoji's pale pink lips, he simply stared back, completely dumbfounded.

Ryoji finally sighed, “It's okay, I understand if you don't feel the same, but I want to-” Minato leaned in and stole a kiss from the lovely pink lips, his cheeks flushing and his heart fluttering. Ryoji responded with a gentle touch, a slight press of lips and a hand caressing Minato's cheek. Warmth bubbled in his chest, Minato could barely breathe, and soon they broke apart for air. Minato felt his lips curl up into a small smile, but his eyes drooped from exhaustion. Ryoji returned to smile, lacing their fingers together and staring sadly at the blood on his love's wrist. 

“I wanted to have roses. And I wanted to have love. I wanted you to love me. I just-” Minato felt new tears begin to fall, but this time they were just light and happy.

Ryoji kissed away the new tears, brushing his long blue bangs from his face, “I would have bought you some if you told me.” Minato couldn't help but laugh, even now Ryoji was being his lovely self. Soon the other boy brought him to bed, a soft smile tinged with sadness being the last this Minato saw before fading into the darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if I'll continue this.


End file.
